


Planet Express Belongs To The Gays Now

by Tooti_Fruity



Category: Futurama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, M/M, Slow Burn, amy and leela are together, kif and amy are quasiplatonic, other usual pairings, the frender is slow burn that is, zapp sucks i promise he only appears occasionally
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 09:51:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16093193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tooti_Fruity/pseuds/Tooti_Fruity
Summary: The Planet Express crew and co. try to navigate the modern world. Bender is useless and gay. Enjoy.





	Planet Express Belongs To The Gays Now

**Author's Note:**

> Fry: janeway_on_standbi  
> Bender: onedeviousman  
> Leela: distinguished_sapphic  
> Amy: disaster_sapphic

**a gay cult on the planet express**

**_Today_ ** _12:46pm_

 

 **onedeviousman** : which one of you stupid fucks stole my sandwich

 **disaster_sapphic** : wow rude. how do you know it was one of us?       

 **onedeviousman** : because zoidberg is too afraid of me to steal my shit, hermes is allergic to ham, and the professor buys lunch every day. so someone in this groupchat is responsible

 **disaster_sapphic** : just make another sandwich

 **onedeviousman** : no. it’s the Principle of the matter.

 **distinguished_sapphic** : Bender, calm down. We’re going to address the issue of food theft in the workplace at the next meeting.

 **onedeviousman** : can your meeting give me back my sandwich

 **distinguished_sapphic** : Bender, I swear to God…

 **disaster_sapphi** c: oh ffs

 **janeway_on_standbi** : rip sandwich, press f to pay respects

 **onedeviousman** : i hate you fry

 **janeway_on_standbi** : then why am i your best friend

 **onedeviousman** : Pity.

 **disaster_sapphic** : oof

 **distinguished_sapphic** : He pulled out the proper grammar. RIP Fry.

 **onedeviousman** : who the fuck spells out rip in all caps

 **distinguished_sapphic** : People with more than one brain cell.

 **disaster_sapphic** : OOF SAVAGE

 **janeway_on_standbi** : why are you so mean to me

 **onedeviousman** : because it gets you going ;)

 **disaster_sapphic** : stop flirting in the groupchat you horny idiots

 **janeway_on_standbi** : you say that like you’re not horny on main at all times

 **disaster_sapphic** : afhjgekwl why are you dragging me in my own house

 **distinguished_sapphic** : Y’all are exhausting as hell.

\--

**bender’s a gay idiot**

**_Today_ ** _12:52pm_

 

 **onedeviousman** : [screenshot 1.jpg]

 **onedeviousman:** REALLY AMY

 **disaster_sapphic** : its not my fault your a gay idiot who cant take a joke

 **distinguished_sapphic** : Can you guys please try to keep it civil?

 **onedeviousman** : leela you were literally the one who named this chat ‘benders a gay idiot’

 **disaster_sapphic** : yeah dont pretend that youre any better than us

 **distinguished_sapphic** : Ouch, betrayed by my own girlfriend. Et tu, Amy?

 **onedeviousman** : that feels like a reference

 **disaster_sapphic** : A  R E F E R E N C E

 **distinguished_sapphic** : BENDER, ARE YOU REALLY

 **onedeviousman** : what??

 

_disaster_sapphic has renamed the chat ‘bender didn’t graduate middle school apparently’_

**onedeviousman** : HEY FUCK YOU AMY

 **onedeviousman** : WAIT GUYS WHAT ARE YOU REFERENCING

 **disaster_sapphic** : JULIUS CASEAR YOU UNCULTURED SWINE

 

_onedeviousman has renamed the chat ‘amy is a miserable cunt’_

                                                                 

 **onedeviousman** : NOT EVERYONE HAS A HISTORY BOOK UP THEIR TAINT YOU MISERABLE CUNT

 **distinguished_sapphic** : Hey. Shut your fucking mouth about my girlfriend’s taint, Bender.

 

_distinguished_sapphic has renamed the chat ‘bender needs to fucking chill’_

 

 **onedeviousman** : whatever. fuck both of you

 **disaster_sapphic** : love you too bendy xoxo

\--

**a gay cult on the planet express**

**_Today_ ** _12:57pm_

 

 **onedeviousman** : a n y w a y

 **onedeviousman** : we still have yet to solve the mystery of the missing sandwich

 **janeway_on_standbi** : oh ffs, i’ll make you a new sandwich. i have ingredients hidden in the breakroom

 **disaster_sapphic** : “hidden.”

 **janeway_on_standbi** : hey, what’s that supposed to mean!

 **distinguished_sapphic** : Fry, we all know about your stash.

 **janeway_on_standbi** : what?!

 **disaster_sapphic** : ya

 **disaster_sapphic** : it’s not like you’re subtle about it

 **janeway_on_standbi** : well then why have none of you stolen from it?!

 **distinguished_sapphic** : Because it’s a biohazard.

 **disaster_sapphic** : OOF OOF OOF

 **disaster_sapphic** : O O F

 **janeway_on_standbi** : you guys are bullying me and i dont have to take it

 **onedeviousman** : WHO THE FUCK ATE MY SANDWICH

\--

**onedeviousman, janeway_on_standbi**

**_Today_ ** _1:03pm_

 

 **janeway_on_standbi** : hey so i ate your sandwich, sorry man

 **onedeviousman** : i might actually kill you

 **janeway_on_standbi** : will you forgive me if i get you subway

 **onedeviousman** : …maybe. but you will tell no one i took pity on you and decided to let you live after this heinous crime

 **janeway_on_standbi** : whatever you say, man

\--

**bender’s a gay idiot**

**_Today_ ** _1:05pm_

 

 **onedeviousman** : [screenshot (1).jpg]

 **onedeviousman** : I’m so fucked why is he so cute

 **disaster_sapphic** : you’re hopeless. how can someone be so hopelessly gay.

 **onedeviousman** : ajklgefjeklw HELP ME

 **distinguished_sapphic** : Bender, I still maintain my position that you should just tell him the truth.

 **onedeviousman** : guys i’m not even out to him yet

 **disaster_sapphic** : IM SORRY W H A T

 **distinguished_sapphic** : Bender! I thought you said that you told him last weekend!

 **onedeviousman** : STOP YELLING AT ME

\--

**a gay cult on the planet express**

**_Today_ ** _1:08pm_

 

 **janeway_on_standbi** : hey im going to subway to get lunch for me and bender. do you guys want anything?

 **disaster_sapphic** : Six inch black forest ham with olives, tomato, and mozzarella on white.

 **janeway_on_standbi** : damn amy you sent that in like 3 seconds. are you ok

 **disaster_sapphic** : i love subway leave me alone

 **distinguished_sapphic** : I don’t need anything, thank you Fry.

 **janeway_on_standbi** : okay, i’ll be back in 20.

 **onedeviousman** : stay safe

\--

**bender needs to fucking chill**

**_Today_ ** _1:09pm_

 

 **onedeviousman** : ‘stay safe’ IM AN IDIOT

 **disaster_sapphic** : dont gotta tell me twice lmao

 **onedeviousman** : fuck off

 **disaster_sapphic** : classy. anyway, i dont see why you cant just tell him youre bi man

 **distinguished_sapphic** : Yeah. it’d be hypocritical of him, considering he’s bisexual himself.

 **onedeviousman** : lets just see what he says

\--

**a gay cult on the planet express**

**_Today_ ** _1:12pm_

 

 **janeway_on_standbi** : thanks bender! :D

\--

**bender needs to fucking chill**

**_Today_ ** _1:12pm_

 

 **disaster_sapphic** : GO GET THAT ASS BOY

 **distinguished_sapphic** : A M Y


End file.
